


I will let you down, I will make you hurt.

by fangirl0verboard



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Jealous Negan (Walking Dead), Jealousy, Love, Love/Hate, Pain, Sex, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-29 03:13:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11431959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl0verboard/pseuds/fangirl0verboard
Summary: “Not all love is gentle. Sometimes its gritty and dirty and possessive, sometimes its not supposed to be careful or soft at all. Sometimes, it feels like teeth.” - Azra. T.Life with him was never going to be easy, but despite all the hurt, she knew life without him would be just as hard. Could she leave behind her old life to save the people she loved, or would the past just bring more trouble?A Negan fanfiction, and a Eugene fanfiction.





	1. My empire of dirt.

**Author's Note:**

> Wubba lubba dub dub guys. It's been a WHILE. I've just finished my degree and I have some time on my hands - found it haaaaard to get back into writing my old fics though? So I've started afresh in the hope it'll get me back on track with the others, I hope you all enjoy. This fanfic is very Negan/Eugene driven but will contain other mains, please comment and all that if you want me to write more and stay inspired!

_ “NOT ALL LOVE IS GENTLE. SOMETIMES IT’S GRITTY AND DIRTY AND POSSESSIVE, SOMETIMES IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CAREFUL OR SOFT AT ALL. SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE TEETH.” - Azra. T _

 

“Out of everyone you could have chosen, why did you have to pick me?”

 

There he was, speechless and stuttering. Standing only five feet away from where I stood, my fingers curled around the grip of a slick revolver that I pressed firmly against my skull. With my forefinger lightly resting on the trigger, one false move could have been the start of a gory show of colour and texture. Even I was questioning myself what the hell it was that I was thinking, as I stood trembling in front of this man who had made everything in my life so perfect, but messed me up completely all at once. His hand was outstretched from trying to reason with me, his fingers were shaking, seeking my own fingers to pull me back to him. He was trying to keep me safe, like he always promised.

 

“Please Hannah, put down the gun. We can _talk_ , and I mean it this time, I _really_ fuckin’ do. Please baby, you don’t want to die, I _know_ you don’t. If your friends were here right now instead of me, just ask yourself, would you be doing this?” His voice was low, but it was soft and pleading, unlike him. It was totally unlike him actually, it just proved to me that people – no matter how tough they appear to be - will do anything to relieve themselves of the guilt of someone else’s suffering.

 

“ _My friends_?” I wheezed out a small, cynical laugh, “You mean, the ones that are still alive, or do you mean the ones _you_ murdered?”

 

“Hannah… you know I didn’t do any of this to hurt you. I didn’t have a choice sweetheart.” The pleading continued, an air of desperation snuck out firmly in his voice.

 

“Well you fucked that up, didn’t you? Look at what you did instead, hurting me would have been an improvement, you’re going to fucking _kill_ me. This is all your fault! To think I’ve forgiven you for everything you’ve done to me and to them before, and now here we fucking are.” As I adjusted my footing gently, he shuddered and tried to edge closer. His eyes were wide with panic, fear, anger – too many emotions to account for. One of his best men stood back from him, giving us space for all it was worth but keeping a keen eye on the direction in which I was pointing the revolver, with his own gun poised and ready.

 

“I don’t know how to make it up to you,” he gently shook his head, “but can you please just trust me that I will? You don’t need to blow your fuckin’ brains out, we can fix this.”

 

“I don’t know what else you could say or do to make this better, I’m sorry. I love you. Goodbye, Negan.” Repositioning myself and pressing the gun harder to my temple, over the thunder of hearing my own heart beating, I hadn’t noticed the man who crept up behind me. With all his speed and strength he firmly pushed my arm downwards to face the ground, grappling his arm around my chest and holding me still. In my confusion and panic I tried to pull the trigger, but I was met with a hollow clicking sound, I dropped the gun to the floor. Immediately, everyone relaxed.

 

In two large strides, Negan embraced me, the other man let go and stepped back. His arms were tight around my body as I began to cry and my limbs convulsed, I felt stupid, disappointed and relived all at once.

 

“Fuck. This is the one and only fuckin’ time I’m going to be glad you didn’t take the safety off. Don’t you fuckin’ dare do this to me ever again Hannah, you fuckin’ understand me? You DO NOT get to die.” Negan’s fear had washed away quicker than a stink on shit, anger and relief replaced it.

 

“You killed my friends –“ It’s hard trying to talk amidst a panic attack and a free flow of tears cascading down your face.

 

“Actually – “ the man who restrained you, Simon, cut in, “He isn’t dead, Hannah. He’s alive. Barely alive, but he’s being treated right now back at Sanctuary, the others… well, they all got away.”

 

Negan looked half relived and half frustrated, this was clearly news to him too, as he nodded at Simon and sighed before turning his gaze back to me.

 

“See? He’s gonna be alright doll. Surprisingly, somehow… he’s gonna live.” Negan placed his hands gently on both sides of my face, they were cold and clammy and smelled like cigarettes and leather.

 

“Don’t act like you’re happy he’s alive, Negan. Don’t you dare pretend to care about people who are weaker than you when all you do is hurt them like you hurt me. Why did you have to pick me Negan? Why?” I continued to mumble nonsense and sob as he thumbed away tears.

 

“Doll, I picked you because you made me, did you forget that?” Negan cocked his head to the side, his eyebrows narrowing, “You picked me first - of course, I _always_ wanted you, and I still do. I know you still want me, or you would not have just told me that you love me.” He grinned, showing off his perfectly white teeth.

 

“I also just told you goodbye as I was pointing a revolver to my head, what else does that tell you about our relationship?” He seemed to ignore my words in favor of pulling my head to his chest and running his fingers through my hair, gently, he began pulling out the knots that the wind had helped make. Negan softly planted kisses on my head, I wondered how long he would treat me like a human, knowing that I was ready to die because I didn’t want to exist with him anymore. I wondered if maybe he realized how he hurt people now, but immediately dismissed those thoughts, knowing that his conscience was thin if it existed at all.

 

Heavily, he sighed, “I love you, too,” he whispered the words quietly, and for the first time, into my ear.

 

“I don’t believe you.” The retort escaped my lips before I had even thought about it saying it, it made me feel guilty and strong all at once.

 

“I don’t blame you…” he sighed miserably and rolled his head back, loosening his grip on me.  
“Let’s go home.” He hollered at his men and placed his hand in the small of my back, guiding me away and toward the vans they had chased me down in. I noticed Simon bend over to retrieve the gun I had dropped, I lowered my head hopelessly.

 

A failed suicide attempt by Negan’s one and only remaining wife, because she was too stupid to take the safety off, was sure to spread quickly around Sanctuary. I didn’t want to ask who they had taken as prisoner or who was badly injured before they chased me down.

 

I had always put too much faith in people, and as the wheels of the van turned and we headed back toward Sanctuary, I thought back to the day I went there with Negan for the first time. I chose to leave my friends behind, I watched as Negan made them our enemies despite promising not to hurt them, his power and ego overwhelming anything I did to try to help. I thought about how he would punish me when he found out I was trying to help them. I thought about how selfish I was to love this man.

 

As the van pulled through the gates of sanctuary, I turned to Negan, “Where is he?” I demanded.

 

“The infirmary, I would hazard a guess.” He took a deep breath in, and heaved out, his eyes scolding me for caring about anyone other than him. As quickly as he said it, I threw the door of the van open and broke into a jog around the side of the building, ignoring everything else around me until I reached the door of the infirmary, swinging it open with too much force.

 

There, on the bed in the centre of the room, his body lay still, resting, undisturbed. I slowed down once I had passed the rooms threshold. Slowly, I crept up to his bedside, my heart aching at the sight of his usually peachy pale cheeks. His face was painted with a mixture of purples, reds, blues and yellows, his neck bruised by these colours that left clear markings where fingers had gripped his throat so tightly. His chest rose and fell, heaving as it did, a cannula needle attached to his arm flowed a concoction of painkillers into his bloodstream. I considered pulling back his blanket to check the rest of him over for injury, but I had seen enough already.

 

I held his hand and sobbed, “I’m so happy you’re alive. I’m so, so sorry, Eugene. It’s all my fault.”


	2. Down a dangerous road, I have come to where I'm standing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always, please feedback and all, I really appreciate stuff... and thangs <3

My eyes squinted open to the bright ceiling lights of the infirmary, I must’ve fallen asleep after coming in to see Eugene who still appeared to be sleeping. I turned to the wall to flip the dimmer switch on when a hoarse rasp sounded from behind me, I swung around to see Eugene’s eyes slowly flickering open.

 

“Oh my god, Eugene,” I gushed in a hushed tone, “Eugene, try not to move too much, if you do it’s going to hurt.” Rushing over to his side, I clasped his hand again gently. He made painful sounding grunting noises as he came around. Realizing he was probably dehydrated, I took some bandage cloth from the medical supplies cupboard and soaked it in water, returning to him again to press it lightly against his lips.

 

“He’s going to have a hard time talking for a while, Hannah.” Sanctuary’s Doctor, Doctor Carson, sighed as he entered the room, startling me somewhat.

 

“I’m sorry Doctor, I fell asleep in here.”

 

“No Hannah, it’s fine. Spend as much time as you want here. He’s probably going to need your help. He was blue when they pulled him in here, wasn’t breathing at all. The fact that he’s alive - this is, I daresay it, a miracle. A miracle fueled by adrenaline straight in the chest, but a miracle none the less.” Carson shook his head in disbelief.

 

Tears once again rolled down my cheeks as my heart broke, “Negan did this.”

 

“I know, and I’m very sorry Hannah.” The Doctor looked down at his feet and I felt a tug on my shirt hem, Eugene had a grip on my shirt, pulling it gently to catch my attention.

 

“Hey Eugene, hey,” I managed a smile to him, and saw the comfort in his eyes. Turning back to Carson, I held out the damp cloth, “Take this Doctor, I need to get some answers. I haven’t spoken to Negan about it since we got back. I’ll come back.” Before I could rush off, he extended an arm to stop me.

 

“I heard, Hannah,” Carson began solemnly, “I heard that you held a loaded gun to your head this afternoon… after the attack, after what Negan did. I don’t mean to be blunt, but you’re obviously not in a good state of mind. I think, we should start you one something to help. You… you shouldn’t be alone at a time like this, either.” His body language was closed in and stiff.

 

“Negan put you up to that, right?” My eyes rolled.

 

“Well, it wasn’t –“

 

“It’s fine. I knew he would. He thinks I’m crazy now when I genuinely would rather be dead than watch the man I love hurt people I care about and try to strangle my closest friend. I don’t need the pills, Doc.” I huffed, he nodded as I strode from the room, only to be greeted with Simon staring me straight in the face.

 

“Where is Negan?” I asked him, flatly and with a heavy sigh.

 

“He’s waiting for you actually, upstairs.” Simon replied, and began to walk with me.

 

“What are you? My fucking wet nurse? He’s got you following me now huh?” I spat.

 

“Well Hannah Banana, you did try to blow your brains out today, who’s to say you won’t try again?”

 

“Stop talking to me like I’m your friend, Simon, I’m obviously not –“

 

“No, Hannah – you stop. I am your friend, it’s all these other fucks you need to watch out for, those fucking Alexandrians you think are your friends. He told you not to come today but you still did and that fucking Latino girl tried to kill you off and luckily for _you_ Eugene - _of all the unlikely fucking people_ \- made her back down! And now, we are here! _WE_ are your friends.” Simon was almost as animated as Negan could get, with his little ‘we art holier than thou’ speech.

 

“Yeah, Simon! Eugene fucking saved me! You’re right, in what god damn universe would that normally ever happen?! Eugene saved me _and Negan strangles him almost to death_ , Simon. THIS is my point!”

 

“Do you know why?” Simon asked sharply.

 

“What? There’s no reason –“ His voice cut across me.

 

“ _DO_ you know why?”

 

“No!” I shouted, throwing my arms up in the air in frustration.

 

“Then you need to talk to him. Come on, upstairs.” Simon waved me along, motioning for me to hurry up, and we paced briskly through the halls of Sanctuary. When we arrived at the top floor, Simon left me at the entrance to the quarters I lived in with Negan.

 

“Negan? Are you up here?” I called as I moved through the rooms.

 

“What the fuck do you think?” His voice growled from the bedroom. I walked in quickly and stood up tall and straight, Negan sat down on the edge of the bed, whiskey in hand.

 

“Have you seen him Negan? Have you seen what you did?”

 

“You think a few bruises are gonna make me feel guilty, sweetheart?” His tone had shifted from this afternoon, his pleading ‘forgive me’ attitude has shriveled up and died.

 

“Negan, he’s a mess.”

 

“That’s what you get for putting your hands on my property, end of story.” Negan sighed and looked me up and down with piercing eyes.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know _DAMN_ well what I mean my dear, sweet wife! The Latina girl has you pinned down on the floor with a knife to your throat, and granted I have to give the man credit – I didn’t think he had it in him to knock that bitch out of the way and save your ass. What I have a problem with is what he did afterwards. I don’t know when his balls grew, but they were certainly present and accounted for this fucking afternoon.”

 

“Negan… you’ve –“

 

“He kissed you. I saw it. You didn’t push him away, you just let it happen.”

 

“Jesus Christ, that’s what this is about? He got caught up in a moment and he _kissed_ me – we’ve been friends for longer than I’ve been with you Negan. He didn’t mean it, it was absolutely nothing. Eugene is as shy and scared as hell of most things, can you blame him for feeling like a fucking hero? It wasn’t real. I hate to say it right now because I’m angry as hell, but _I love you_ , Negan.”  
In a way, I had to laugh (internally of course) because I’d never heard something so insane – but then was it insane? After all, it was Negan. I knew what he was capable of. I watched him kill people many times before, I watched him kill my friends, too.

 

“Adding to that, I also have reason to believe that he knows something about how Sasha ended up dead as a fuckin’ Dodo in that coffin… I still need to do a little bit of confirming and detective work, but I just got a feeling. The fact that he thinks he can put his hands on you, the way you two fuckin’ cuddled when we came back and you both got out of that truck – oh and you weren’t in my truck on the drive back, were you? So how do I know what you were doing behind closed doors?” A pang of hurt hit me as he mentioned Sasha, I hadn’t even thought about what had happened since, I was too caught up in trying to shoot myself.

 

“You overreacted, and your childish attitude nearly cost a good, smart man his life. Of course I have a good relationship with him Negan, we are friends. We hugged each other because it hurt to see our friend dead, Negan! I have been with you this whole time, I have disagreed with things that you do and I have put up with some awful fucking things, but this… _you are a joke_. I wish I’d fucking remembered to take the safety off, not having to deal with your shit is worth dying for.”

 

“Be very fuckin’ careful how you speak to me sweetheart. Very FUCKIN’ careful.” His voice began to raise, and I wanted him to be mad at me.

 

“No Negan, I won’t be careful. I watched you push him to the ground and wrap your hands so tightly around his throat that he can’t talk, he couldn’t breathe. When I tried to pull you off you pushed me away, all because you think he has a _thing_ for me? Then you chase after me, pretend like you give a shit, _tell me you love me_ and now we’re having this conversation?! Grow the hell up.” My words were blunt and cold, I was so mad that something so insignificant nearly cost Eugene his life that I didn’t care how I sounded. Despite that, I knew I was pushing into dangerous territory, and as his glass of whiskey flew over my shoulder and across the room – I knew the red button had been pushed.

 

Swiftly, like the predator swooping in on its prey, he was on his feet and looming over me. Negan’s nose almost touching mine, hot whiskey scented breath flooding my face, I closed my eyes and braced myself. His hand, no longer gloved, flew upwards and grasped my face firmly.

 

“Open your fuckin’ eyes, Hannah,” He spat, “LOOK at me!”

 

My teeth gritted, I obeyed, letting out a wince in fear of what might come next. My eyes locking onto his, I couldn’t consider his gaze without seeing it’s beauty, loyal and tempting, but steady and mysterious all at once.

 

“Negan – please…” Whimpers escaped my lips as tears began to collect in my eyes once more, I thought about him when he was soft and tender. The Negan he was when he would lie with me, naked and truthful, and the way he would smile at me when it was just the two of us alone. When he was gentle, it was like we were the only people left on earth, but he wasn’t always gentle. That I knew all too well.

 

“Number one,” he began, his voice low and somber, “don’t fuckin’ talk to me like that ever again. Number two… when I say something I mean it. Don’t call me a fuckin’ liar.” His hand pulled roughly away from my face, he turned and sauntered from the room, closing the door behind him. 


	3. The Bad in Each Other.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene does some talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to update at least three time a week with this one guys. I hope you enjoy - I have a lot more to write. I'm not sorry if you don't think Eugene is a cutie though, there aren't enough fics with Eugene. Please comment and love <3

It was late, though I wasn’t quite sure of the time, the sun had long set and curfew had been called on those who it applied to. The last I saw of Negan was in his study as I had walked right past him and out of our quarters, pretending he wasn’t there at all. Simon hadn’t waited around either, so thankfully there was no escort this time on the way down to the infirmary. I was still shaken by Negan’s reasoning for hurting Eugene, but I had to make peace with what had been done. It sounded unreasonable and cowardly, but it was the past and that’s how I had to deal with being hurt by Negan, or else he’d have destroyed me a long time ago.

 

I was surprised as I pushed open the door of the infirmary to find Eugene sitting partially upright and awake, I thought he would be sleeping again by now, especially after all of the painkillers he was being drip-fed. What surprised me even more than that was that he managed to smile, and that he was already trying to talk.

 

“I’ll whisper… easier.” He croaked in between heavy breaths.

 

“No, Eugene you shouldn’t even try to talk. You should rest, talking will not help right now, you’re not stupid you know that already. Write it?” I suggested, clearly uselessly.

 

“No… I’m – sorry… Hannah.” He was trying his hardest to push out words, some came through easily enough, other words staggered out slowly, stuttering and hoarse.

 

“Don’t apologize. Negan went too far, he’s hurt me so much in doing this to you, trust me I’m going to make sure that he doesn’t live it down. I just wish I could turn back the clock to stop it happening at all.”

 

“The kiss was… my fault.” Eugene tried to cough lightly to clear his throat, looking me straight in the eye. His usual mannerisms seemed to have shifted, I could only assume that Negan attacking him and him surviving made him feel like he had nothing else to fear.

 

“He did it because you kissed me.” I hung my head, hurting and feeling like I should’ve taken the blame, silently I wished that it was me with the bruised neck and not Eugene. I couldn’t help but feel responsible for all of Negan’s actions against the people I cared about.

 

“I don’t… regret it.” Eugene spoke softly. I decided that the kiss was a conversation for another time and another place, and thought about what else Negan had said.

 

“Eugene, I have to ask you something. Negan said that this wasn’t just because you kissed me, he said that, he thinks… he thinks you had something to do with how Sasha ended up dead in that coffin.”

 

He paused for a moment, tearing his gaze away from me and looking across the room, his eyes suddenly sad and mournful. I thought for a moment that maybe it was the wrong time to be asking something like that, but when he spoke next my heart stopped.

 

“I did.” Forward and honest, the words escaped from his lips quietly but tore through my ears like a church bell.

 

“Eugene – how?”

 

“I was… the cause – not… the reason,” he kept eyes averted in the other direction, “science is how. Why… a different story.”

 

“You did all that, whatever that was, behind my back and didn’t think to tell me what the hell was going on? Was this planned?” That’s when it dawned on me that of course it was planned, and of course there was a reason why Eugene didn’t tell me, “Eugene… _You knew_ Negan would open that coffin, you both did. Your plan was to kill him – wasn’t it?”

 

Eugene stayed silent.

 

“ _I love him_ Eugene, he’s awful and I know what he’s done to us all, but I love him.”

 

“I dare you to say that… to Rick.” For a moment I was taken back, Eugene had found his fight.

 

“Negan took us both away from them and brought us here, and there have been times that we both could have run, Eugene. You had the chance to run just the other day, _you could have gone_ , but you backed down - and you stayed here!” I tried to retaliate.

 

“I stayed here… _for you_ , Hannah. I am not going… into that world _without you_.”

 

“Stop it, Eugene, you had your chance… stop trying to play hero and don’t blame this on me! I’ve seen you ‘I am Negan’ your way around this place for two months, having you here is a fucking blessing and it keeps me sane… but you can’t hide shit from me, and trying to kiss me in front of him is going to get you killed if that kind of stunt doesn’t!”

 

“How could I tell you… that we were going to kill him - when you love him. He hurts you - _all the time_ … but you still want him? _How can you want him_?” Eugene was in pain and I didn’t mean his throat, I could see it in his eyes.

 

“Eugene, I’m trying to fix things. I’m trying to get him to see that they need to leave Alexandria alone.” I had pleaded my case, but he just didn’t believe me.

 

“You failed. Now he wants a war.”

 

Months ago, Eugene’s plan would’ve been perfect, I would’ve snapped it up in a heartbeat and probably even offered to execute it myself. Now was a different time and a different story, I had got to know the enemy and fallen head first into his trap. No matter how much I thought about the ones we lost, no matter how much I tried to hate him - it was useless.

 

The door behind me clicked open, I knew it was Negan from the look in Eugene’s eyes and the way he sank back into the bed. At first, he said nothing, he let his presence speak for him and filled the room with the sound of his footsteps. Soon his arms wrapped around me from behind, one across my chest and up to my collarbone, the other around my hips. I chose not to greet him, I could smell the whiskey stench on him and immediately I knew that he wasn’t about to apologize.

 

“Doctor Smarty-pants…” he addressed Eugene with a heavy sigh, “I need to make something _very_ fuckin’ clear to you. I see you getting just a little bit too big for your boots… and I don’t like it. So, listen to me, _very_ fuckin’ carefully. _THIS_!” Negan’s voice raised, and his right hand in an unexpected move, slapped and groped my crotch sharply, causing me to gasp and wince. Eugene stared, his bloodshot eyes wide, mad and helpless.

 

“This is mine! This woman may have known you for a long time, but it sure as hell doesn’t mean a thing. She is not yours, she doesn’t want to be. She is Negan, _through and through_ … aren’t you sweetheart?” Negan prompted me to nod in answer to his question, his left hand starting to creep up my chest, towards my neck. My heart was racing as his forefingers and thumb settled on either side of my throat and began to slowly tighten against my skin.

 

“Do you want me to show her what happens when people think they can share, or has the lesson been learnt enough today?” Negan stared straight at Eugene, I knew he was grinning. There was a churning sensation in my stomach that fluttered right down to my crotch, Negan’s tactic was to frighten Eugene. and get me back to the bedroom, he knew he wasn’t hurting me. It was late, he was stressed, he was drunk and he wanted to fuck. Eugene’s head shook from side to side, his way of telling Negan ‘no’. Negan breathed out a laugh and as he loosened the grip on my neck, his lips met the side of my forehead and kissed my skin gently.

 

“I’m going to forget about what you did,” Negan looked back at Eugene with a serious expression, “but do it again and I swear that for the love of fuck sake I will crack your fuckin’ skull right open.” With that, Negan took my arm and pulled me quickly from the room, leaving Eugene alone.

 

Back in the room I shared with Negan, I wondered what it was that had made Eugene so eager to show his feelings for once. I knew that at some point we would need to talk about it alone. Our history had been written when Negan took me to Sanctuary. Eugene stopped having chances then. He knew what I meant when I said he had his chance, I could see it in his eyes that he knew he was too late, maybe that was why he was so eager to kill Negan. Maybe with Negan out of the picture, he thought he could try again.

 

“You, little miss, are going to suck my dick so hard tonight.” Negan smiled as he closed the bedroom curtains.

 

“And what if I don’t want to?” I retorted, half sass and half serious. Negan swung around and fixed his glare on me, shaking his head.

 

“Not an option, sweetheart. An order.”

 

“Negan, no..? I’m not in the mood.”

 

“Don’t give me that bullshit, I could feel how in the fuckin’ mood you were downstairs, even through your jeans… that pussy was throbbing.” He laughed, slowly approaching me whilst his fingers fumbled slackly with the buttons on the front of his trousers. I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t really in the mood. The fact that he wanted me to make the effort made it worse, I could have dealt with doing none of the work and just letting him please himself, but he didn’t want that.

 

“Negan please, just –“ He stopped me from talking by pulling the band of his underwear down over his quickly hardening cock, placing a hand behind my head he positioned me, but I kept my mouth closed and turned away slightly. It was a game that frustrated him, but if I was going to get any enjoyment, staggering Negan’s advances would be the way to do it.

 

“Oh – I see how it is.” Looking at him from the corner of my eye I saw him smirking and licking his lips, I remembered why I loved him and forgot everything else – forgetting was my main defense. He pulled my head around to him pushing the head of his cock against my lips insistently, I kept my lips sealed shut and after a few attempts I felt his hand clamp into my hair. With his free hand, he pinched my nose and closed off my airways.

 

“You’re going to need to take a deep breath in soon sweetheart, that’s when I’ll fuckin’ get you. You don’t get out of it that easily.” He was too good.


	4. The Lucky Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out more about Hannah's past and what she's hiding from Negan to keep her friends safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update (not that anyone is reading or enjoying this), I have edited the tags seeing as this is like a Negan/OFC and a Eugene/OFC fic, so I thought they'd reflect better. There's not enough Eugene love. So have some already. We getting into flashbacks and shiet now, so buckle up. Lots to go.

_We sat by the pond together, the sun was high in the sky and a gentle breeze caressed our faces. It was quiet and still in Alexandria, but it always was when people had gone out on a run. Settling into life here had been tentative at first, but things were shaping up._

_“I believe you’re too comfortable here, I worry that things won’t sit pretty forever.”_

_“You worry a lot, Eugene.” Smiling and laughing quietly, I looked at his face, he was always stern and concerned about something or other._

_“Don’t you think we should worry? We get too comfortable and that’s when the problems start, always has been the way.” His face, unchanged, stared back at me. I was bored of worrying, enjoying myself was something I missed, feeling content was something I missed – I couldn’t let Eugene spoil the moment._

_“I had a chat to Abraham yesterday…” I began coolly._

_“Yes. I am aware, he notified me this morning. I suppose he’s been informing you of things he and I spoke about on our watch duty the other evening?” Eugene sighed as he turned his head to look across the pond, avoiding my eyeline._

_“Why are you so afraid?” I huffed flatly, not wanting to beat around the bush._

_“It’s not about fear, Hannah. It’s about whether certain things in this world are worth pursuing. If death wasn’t present around every corner, then maybe things would be different.”_

_“… Number one; death is present around every corner – in this world or the last. Number two; not worth pursuing? Number three; you’re just being a coward.”_

_“Number one; yes, I suppose you are correct. Number two; I can’t answer that. Number three; I am a coward and you’ve always known this.”_

_“Why is this not worth pursuing?”_

_“Hannah - it’s not that you’re not worth pursuing. I just can’t. I’m not good – “_

_“You shut the hell up right now Eugene, you are good enough. Abraham told me how you feel, he’s just as sick of this as I am, I just don’t see why you won’t just try. Everyone can see it, everyone… I’ve been hanging on for weeks wondering and waiting and – “_

_“Stop waiting, Hannah. I’m just not made for it.” Shaking his head, Eugene pushed himself to his feet._

_“Eugene – I know how you feel.” I pleaded._

_“Feelings are irrelevant, Hannah. I am sorry.”_

_“Are MY feelings irrelevant? Just because you’re afraid of what’s outside those walls you bottle up everything you feel inside? Eugene! Don’t walk away from me!”_

_Footsteps crunched and a body parked itself next to mine on the grass as I watched Eugene plodding sheepishly away. A heavy sigh brought my attention around to Abraham and into his already open arms for comfort._

_“He’s being such a dick, I’m sorry Hannah. I don’t know what else to say. I’ll talk to him again.”_

_“What’s the point Abe… we’ve tried and both failed. I just have to wake up to the fact that he doesn’t even want to try.”_

_“I don’t think it’s that Hannah, I really don’t – at least from what he’s told me. He has feelings for you, I know he does. Chin up, kid.” Abraham always had a twinkle of hope in his eye, no matter how bleak the situation got._

 

_* * *_

That morning when I awoke Negan was out of bed already and showered, I opened my eyes to see him pulling on a white t-shirt, his hair was still damp and he was freshly shaved.

 

“Negan?” I whispered, unsure of how his mood would be this morning. He turned and looked at me lying in the bed, there was an unnerving sadness in his eyes that I couldn’t decipher, I wondered why he had any reason to feel sad.

 

“Good morning, sweetheart. Are you doing alright?” He asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed, he placed his fingers in my hair and ran them through gently. This was how I loved him, I felt ashamed as I thought about it, Eugene’s words of protest at my affection for Negan danced around my mind.

 

“I’m alright…” Words fell sleepily from my lips as I lied through my teeth to him.

 

“How much of a pain in my ass are you going to be today?” Negan meant his sarcasm well, but part of me knew he was serious. I stayed silent, assuming the question was rhetorical, “You’re really pissed off at me, aren’t you Hannah?” He continued.

 

“… I’m hurt.” I responded, slowly and carefully. Negan paused for a moment, thinking.

 

“There’s history, isn’t there? I should’ve damn well known.” He sighed and raised his eyebrows, a look on his face that said he knew the answer to his question already.

 

“Depends on what you mean by history, Negan.” I tried to pull back from the conversation.

 

“I mean you and the Doctor had a little chemistry going on back behind those Alexandria gates. Don’t lie to me doll, he made it obvious as shit when he kissed you and it’s even more obvious now. When did yours and his little romance stop blossoming?”

 

“Negan, I –“

 

“Shush, you don’t make excuses or tell lies when you talk to me, do you? I just want to know your past, and then we can move along from this.” His hand trailed down towards my cheek.

 

“You’ll hurt him again.”

 

“I will not, I swear.” Negan pulled away from me and held up his hands, smiling from ear to ear. I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t hurt him, and I knew that I had to lie.

 

“When you came to Alexandria and took me, the night before that, that was the first and only time we kissed.” The false admission escaped me like it had been rehearsed. Negan paused again, studying my face.

 

“You came willingly, I didn’t take you. I didn’t see him trying to stop me either – in fact I think I remember seeing him cowering, some great man that is…” Negan pushed himself to his feet and walked towards the bathroom, “And doll… I know you’re lying to me. That sure as shit aint the full story.”

 

I huffed and sank further into the duvet, already hating the day, and whatever it had in store for me.

 

* * *

 

_Alexandria was still at night, it was calm aside from the odd groan outside of the walls. Dim lights flashed occasionally across the estate from those on guard duty above the gates, and windows showed faint glows from the signs of life within the beautiful houses built around the pond. The night was crisp and fresh and the air was sweet, I had found my way to the pond again and sat with my legs crossed, my fingers fumbled at a small rubix cube. The little colored blocks only increased my frustration as I twisted them and turned them without method. I had already spent a good part of the night moping and miserable._

_I turned and turned, faster and faster, the colors lit faintly by the moonlight mismatched at seemingly every twist I made. Backwards, forwards, left and right – nothing was working, nothing fit together, nothing lined up. Nothing could ever be right. I raised my arm up, ready to launch the cube into the pond, when a hand took it from my own._

_“There’s a knack to it, of course. If I’m honest - I even get it wrong a lot of the time, but I always get it right in the end. Everything will always be right in the end. If I’m correct, the main technique is just to be patient.” Eugene’s voice was steady and firm, and by the time I was on my feet and facing him he held the cube in his hand, all the colors fitting perfectly together._

_“Eugene…” I started, he shook his head._

_“I am a class A fool and you do not have to accept my apology, but I have been a complete idiot. I care about you, and I’ve been telling myself that I can’t care because I can’t protect you Hannah. You deserve someone who can keep you safe and that’s why I walked away from you today, I know that person isn’t me.” He was so straight talking when he knew he had to be, his fear would wash away and even though his face was always straight, his eyes said everything his mouth should say._

_“Eugene, I don’t need to you to keep me safe, I can keep myself safe. I need you for everything else, I need you because you make me happy.”_

_“Then I hope you forgive me, and you’ll give me a chance. You’re beautiful, and I’m sorry.” His stoic figure loosened up as I placed my arms around his middle and pulled him into me, his arms clamped around me tightly. He was a good head taller than I was, I looked up at him and his eyes met mine looking down on me, he looked as though he wanted to speak, but words didn’t leave his softly parted lips. Instead, he moved closer and pressed his lips to mine gently, his breathing was rapid and it showed how anxious he was, but the more I kissed back the less tense I could feel him get._

_“I forgive you Eugene, but you’re going to have to make it up to me you know that right?”_

_“I do know that - I know I’ve wasted months of our time. I’m not saying we don’t have a long time left, because for all I know we could be the lucky ones. I also know that I just told you patience is the key to getting everything right, but… maybe we shouldn’t waste any more time.” He was hesitant despite the certainty in his voice._

_“Eugene… what exactly are you saying?”_

_“Do I… do I have to spell it out for you?”_

_“... Go on.” I teased._

_“I know damn well that you know exactly what I’m saying, you know its exceptionally hard for me to be forward about this and ask –“_

_“Shut up Eugene.” I grinned, and laughed._

_“Okay.” He smiled coyly._

 

_* * *_

 

Negan hated the way I had let myself slide right into his business at the Sanctuary, he never said it but I knew he did, I could feel it whenever I was around him and his men. I took breakfast down in the canteen that morning, politely thanking the workers who dished out eggs, porridge and fruit to earn their keep, before I took a seat at the table with his most trusted. Simon and Dwight greeted me with some hesitation.

 

“How are you feeling this morning Hannah?” Dwight spoke through a mouthful of porridge.

 

“I’m a little better, thank you.” I nodded to keep face.

 

“Not feeling like you want to die today then?” Simon interjected.

 

“No, Simon. Not today.” I glanced over to the empty spot at the table where Eugene would normally sit, next to Dwight of all people, which struck me as odd after the dick biting incident.

 

“How is the mullet?” Simon added.

 

“I haven’t seen him this morning actually, I’m going to see him after breakfast.”

 

“You wanna be careful girl. Anyone would think you had a soft spot for him.” Dwight raised his eyebrows.

 

“That’s none of your business Dwight.” I said flatly.

 

“Doesn’t matter anyway, he won’t be here for much longer.” Simon sighed.

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean asshole?” I tensed up, looking from Dwight to Simon intently. The look in Dwight’s eyes told me that this was news to him too.

 

“Don’t you know? Negan’s giving him back to Alexandria.” Simon carried on talking between sips of his coffee.

 

“What – when?” I began to get up from the table, having not even touched my food, feeling sick to my stomach.

 

“I don’t know, but he’s getting off easy if I’m being completely fucking honest.” Simon shrugged, and as I stepped over the bench I noticed people in the canteen dropping to their knees. It could only mean that Negan had made his entrance. I turned around quickly and full of anger as Negan fast approached me.

 

“Are you going to kneel, sweetheart?” He propped Lucille up onto his shoulder, there was fire in his eyes.

 

“Not a chance.” I whispered, noticing Dwight in the corner of my eye, shaking his head quickly as if to say I’d made the wrong decision.

 

“I came after you yesterday when you held a gun to your head and screamed that you were going to blow your fuckin’ brains out and this is the respect I’m shown?”

 

“You’re sending Eugene back, when were you going to tell me?”

 

“I wasn’t.” He laughed, shaking his head.

 

“Why?” I snapped at him and his smile grew.

 

“I think that with him gone we can go back to the way things _used_ to be, _no distractions_ , you’ll spend more time with me and no time with him. Seems like since I brought him here he’s been the focus of your attention, and _seeing as I agreed_ to renounce all my other wives _just for you_ I think it’s only fair that I’m the only man you spend your time with too, don’t you? Oh! And the other reason, the main reason, the _biggest_ fuckin’ reason of all – you lied to me doll. You and him were a thing, a big thing it would appear. You were a thing when you agreed to come here with me, you thought you were sacrificing yourself to save their asses and _so you were_ in a way… but _you_ and _him_. Yeah. I know,” Negan’s grin was piercing, his laugh was infuriating, “Don’t look so fuckin’ surprised baby, you think he wouldn’t tell me everything with Lucille hanging over his head? You’re not that stupid.”

 

“I’m going with him.” I stood my ground, Negan laughed even harder and leant in to whisper.

 

“Then you can take his mangled head back to Alexandria with you in a jiffy bag you beautiful lying sack of shit.”

 

I pulled my arm back and threw it out forward straight at his nose, landing a punch on him as hard as I could in front of all the people in the cafeteria, but he carried on laughing. His laughter turned maniacal as I felt myself being scooped up by skinny pale arms and dragged away.

 

Dwight dragged me through the cafeteria and out of the doors before pulling me up securely onto my feet.

 

“I’m on your side, please Hannah, just calm down.” He whispered when we were out of earshot.

 

“What?” I breathed hard through tears and panic.

 

“Go to see Eugene now, it might be the last time you do for a while, or ever. I’ll make sure I’m the one taking him back to Alexandria, I’ll make sure he’s safe. I promise. Stop kidding yourself that you love Negan and say goodbye while you can.”

 

“I do love him –“ My voice stuttered hard.

 

“No Hannah, you made yourself think that so that you could protect them, because you’re a good person. It’s time to stop lying to yourself.”

 

“Then take me to Alexandria too.” I begged.

 

Dwight shook his head quickly, “I won’t be able to Hannah, it won’t work. Go and see Eugene now, I’ll say you wriggled out of my grip, just go.” He pushed me away.

 

I bolted down the corridor in the direction of the infirmary, the lights in the passageway sped by me as I ran. When I reached the room, I shot inside and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me. I span around, Eugene was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes were puffy from crying and when he looked at me tears began to form again.

 

“I’m sorry Hannah, he came in and he – “ Eugene began but I cut him off.

 

“Don’t even try to apologize. I know.” I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my forehead against his head, “Now is when you have to be brave Eugene. For me.”

 

“I can’t leave here without you. I won’t, I’d rather be dead.” He choked through sobs. The bruising on his neck was worse today, darker and yellowing.

 

“It’ll be okay, I promise… If he’s sending you back without hurting you, then that’s the best we could hope for.” My hold on him tightened.

 

“What kind of chance do we have now? When he took you from Alexandria I was sure I’d never see you again, and now it’s happening all over but this time it seems a damn sight worse, what if he hurts you?” There were footsteps raining down on the ground outside the infirmary, the door handle started flipping wildly before the sound loud abrupt crashes as someone repeatedly hit on the lock.

 

“I have to play his game, I have to do what he says. I’ll be okay, Eugene, I can take care of myself remember?” I kissed his lips before the door swung open, I felt Negan’s arms scooping me up harshly.

 

“Take him to the hole,” Negan called out, “I have other plans for you, doll.”


	5. Choices.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah reflects on the day that Negan took her away, we find out what Negan has planned for Eugene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't hate this, I really do hope you don't hate this. I hate it already, I mean, I don't but I feel like no one likes it... please for the love of god tell me if this is worth my energy or not. I work 9-5 I could be going for a run or baking cookies but I chose this instead.

I couldn’t hold back the tears as he carried me away, his arms were curled gently under my knees and shoulders without force; if I had waned to I probably could’ve kicked and flailed my way from his hold, but I didn’t. Over his shoulder I saw Dwight, he was holding onto Eugene’s arm firmly and marching him in the other direction, towards the cells in the pit of Sanctuary.

 

Negan wasn’t taking me anywhere interesting, just back upstairs and to his quarters. He was silent, unmoved and not half as angry as I had expected. I looked up at his face, straight and cold with traces of dry blood around his nostrils, the shadows under his eyes slightly yellowing. As he placed me down on a chair in the corner of his room he sighed, and then laughed

 

“My darlin’,” he began as he pulled off his leather jacket and unwound his neck scarf, “You have a decent swing on that arm of yours.”

 

I shook my head ferociously, afraid, “Negan I’m sorry.”

 

“No, you’re not. You meant it, I could feel that you damn well meant it. I just don’t understand you doll, yesterday I fuckin’ told you _I love you_ in front of _my men_ , I looked weak as shit in front of them, all for you! Do you understand what kind of fuckin’ head games you’re playing? Playing me and the scientist off against each other and lying to me? Did you think you could keep this up?”

 

“That isn’t what I was doing Negan! I swear. You brought Eugene here and it broke my heart, I was so happy that you did - but then I didn’t know what to do… because of us! Can’t you understand that?”

 

“You see, I can’t, because you agreed to come with me and you agreed to be my wife. You should’ve left the past in the past where it belonged. If I had left him there he would’ve ended up dead anyway.”

 

“I agreed to come with you to help them, to bide them some time. I didn’t want to care about you, it just happened. And now you’re sending him back there but your plan is to attack them anyway.”

 

“If I must then yes, but I’ve found another use for him. If he doesn’t agree to my plan then he’s dead, but I’ve got a feeling he’s going to eat it right up.” Negan was grinning, he crouched in front of me, leaning on Lucille for support.

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“You know about the pills he made, correct?”

 

My face dropped and my heart pounded, “… Sasha. You – you know?”

 

“Fuck me sweetheart of course I know! A little digging, a little persuasion… the girls told me everything I needed to know. He’s gonna make some more of those little suicide pills, and deliver them to Alexandria, The Kingdom and Hilltop. One for Rick, one for the ‘King’ and his fuckin’ cat – one for just about everyone with enough Gaul to be a leader and stand up to - ”

 

For the second time that morning I reached out my hand to strike his face, this time he caught me, gripping my wrist firmly and smiling, “He won’t. He won’t do it.” I sobbed hopelessly.

 

“I know that the pair of you were running around like stupid fuckin’ assholes trying to make sure everyone was safe when we attacked Alexandria. I know you aren’t really on my side in all of this, you seem to think that we can coexist, but my girl you’re wrong - we just fuckin’ can’t. He will do it, a few days in the hole will make sure of that.”

 

“He isn’t like you, he’s good.”

“I have ways to convince people, you know that. All it’s going to take is the threat of your life. He can’t protect you from a storm of bullets but if he thinks he can save you from _me_ … he’s going to eat that right up doll.” Negan licked his lips, still grinning, still laughing to himself.

 

“You’re sick.”

 

“And you _love_ me. Don’t you think you’re pretty sick too baby?” He placed his hand on my knee and squeezed before sliding his palm up against the inside of my thigh, “Take them off.” He commanded.

 

I shook my head firmly, “No.”

 

Slowly he raised to his feet, bringing Lucille up with him and extending her until she reached underneath my chin, lifting my head to look up at him.

 

“Now.”

 

* * *

 

_The sunrise hit the window of Eugene’s house perfectly on the side that the bathroom was on, at 6:30am we lay together underneath a warm blanket of water and bubbles. The windows were open wide and as we watched the orange glow appear and the sky grew brighter, Eugene twisted ringlets into my hair carefully._

 

_“Something like that is too pretty for this world, isn’t it?” I sighed._

_“I don’t think that’s true, the universe isn’t conscious enough to register how pretty something is. On the other hand, I happen to think that you’re too pretty for this world, but you’re still here. Did you know that if the sun vanished, we wouldn’t know about it for eight whole minutes?”_

_“Did you know that a pig’s orgasm lasts for thirty minutes?”_

_“If reincarnation is a thing, though highly improbable, then I would like to be a pig in my next life.”_

_“Shut up.” My hand propelled water over my shoulder at him playfully, he shifted underneath me slightly and I registered his skin rubbing gently against my own, I breathed out slowly, relaxed and comfortable – until there was a pounding on the door._

_“You’re really taking the biscuit here guys – I’m on watch at seven and it’s grossing me out to think of you two in there so please just hurry up!” It was Rosita, I felt Eugene startle underneath me and quickly I hopped over the side of the tub._

_“Sorry Rosita, just a second.” I called through the door while handing a towel over to Eugene, he covered himself quickly but shot me a look when I took his dressing gown from the back of the door. I turned the lock after tying the robe and cracked the door open, Rosita stood on the other side with her eyebrows raised._

_“I apologize.” Eugene grumbled and we shuffled past her across the soft carpet on the landing and into Eugene’s bedroom._

_“You know there’s a tribute today, don’t you?” Rosita spat._

_“Yeah, yeah I remember.” I replied before I closed the door._

_“Well stop fucking around and get ready, then. Start taking this shit seriously.” She slammed the bathroom door behind her, Eugene looked at me with big eyes and a grimace._

_“I don’t think she likes me staying here. I think, after… after Abraham… she just wants her peace and quiet.”_

_“I know grief hits in different ways, you might be correct on that assumption. I myself have my own way of dealing with things. We can stay at your place for a while if you would prefer, however, it would be nice if maybe… maybe we could have somewhere with just the two of us sometime soon.”_

_“Wow – moving along fast there. How long has it been?”_

_“Precisely 96 days.”_

_I laughed and sat next to him on the edge of the bed, “I wasn’t counting.”_

 

-

 

_The sound of rumbling engines was deafening outside the gates as the Saviors pulled up in their trucks, we could hear it from inside the house. I held Eugene’s hand and led him out, this was the first time they had come back with their leader since that day in the clearing. The last time they came they searched the houses, they were bound to do it again, so I figured joining everyone out on the street would be the safest option. At least that way, we were all together. Eugene wasn’t handling it well; his hands were clammy and trembling, but I didn’t need him to be brave for me and he knew that.  
He hated himself for it._

_In the distance, there he stood once more, talking with Rick as his men lowered themselves from their trucks. He was still wearing that same leather jacket, still sporting that awful baseball bat that he bludgeoned in two of our friend’s skulls with. Eugene stopped suddenly, like a stubborn puppy on a leash._

_“I can’t,” he breathed out, shaking his head, “I can’t go down there.”_

_“I know this isn’t easy, but it’s going to be aright; we just have to do as he says for now. Come on, Eugene, you can do this babe.” Tugging his hand gently, I pulled him along until we reached the group of Alexandrians near the gates. The sun was beating down on the ground, it was mercilessly hot, I wondered how Negan could wear that jacket at all._

_“You don’t have much for me, do you Rick?” He drawled._

_“We can get more, we have to provide for ourselves to provide for you, surely you have to understand that.” Rick was stumbling, his hands jittering in flustered movements as he tried to explain himself._

_“Did I fuckin’ stutter, Rick? It ain’t enough!” The conversation we had caught was ominous, Rick was sweating and there was a desperation in his face. He was right, we didn’t have much for Negan to take at all, but how could we feed ourselves and provide for others at the same time. Tara sidled over to me quietly, there was concern in her eyes as she mumbled._

_“Daryl is with him, look.” She was right, he stood far back being held by some of Negan’s men, I heard Eugene whisper a gasp and I squeezed his hand reassuringly. Negan swung around to face us, his audience, so he seemed to think. He looked bemused and angry, brandishing Lucille as he raised his voice._

_“You all think this is a fuckin’ joke? Did you not see what we did back there? You miss any of that? Apparently, all of it - because you just don’t seem to be delivering. You gotta hold out your end of the bargain, else there will be… consequences.” Slowly a smile crept across his face, like a Cheshire cat he grinned, showing off a perfect set of teeth, “Rick. This won’t do… I’m going to have to find something else that I want to take with me, if I don’t, then I’ll have to teach you all another lesson, won’t I?”_

_“Negan – please…” Rick trailed off as Negan marched through the crowd, shouldering past Eugene and I before he stopped momentarily and turned around looking me straight in the eye._

_“Pardon me, doll, but you were in my fuckin’ way.”_

_“I – I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” I breathed out as he turned to continue walking and looked back to Eugene. I hadn’t quite understood the panic in his eyes as I went to reach out for his hand again, he didn’t move and he didn’t take hold, he just looked terrified, frozen._

_“Actually…” Negan’s voice rang in my ears again, dangerously close, almost like he hadn’t moved away from me at all, “I think I’ve found what I want.” His hand wrapped around the top of my arm, I could see Eugene’s heart sinking in his eyes as I felt my body being pulled roughly towards the gates._

_“No… no please –“ I started as I struggled, trying to_ _prise his fingers from my arm._

_“Now sweetheart, do you think that’s a brave move or a fuckin’ stupid one? You were there, right? You saw what happened to your friends… do you think I won’t do it again? Because you’re wrong, I’ll do it right now if I need to.” Negan chuckled as he continued to drag me down the street, I looked back at Eugene to see Tara’s arms reaching up around his shoulders, he was crying silently, shaking. Rick steadily approached us, holding his hand up in a gesture that asked Negan to stop._

_“Negan please, you don’t have to do this, we understand.” Rick begged._

_“No, you don’t Rick! You do not get it, so this is your warning, the less you give the more you have to lose.” Negan stopped in front of one of his trucks and span me around to face him, “Your name is what, sweetheart?”_

_“Hannah.” It barely escaped my lips._

_“Well Hannah, there’s nothing for you here I can guarantee that. You’re coming with me, where you’ll be safe, fed and treated like a real lady.” Negan brushed his hand down my cheek._

_“Do I have a choice?” I murmured, my words tripping over each other as I spoke._

_“Well – yeah! I’m not just going to fuckin’ kidnap you, after all this is your home. You have a choice… your choice is this; come with me and these fine people get another chance to make me a better offering next week OR you stay here, and I kill one of them.” My heart began to beat so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, there was nothing anyone could do to stop this from happening._

_“Do I get to say goodbye?” My eyes met Negan’s and studied them for a moment, deep and mysterious, I couldn’t read him. His smile reappeared, and he laughed as he gripped my shoulder and pushed me roughly up the steps of the truck into the cabin._

_“Nope, and I’ll take that as a yes.” He shouted as he slammed the door closed behind me._

_* * *_

I had to do as he said, that had always been true of my relationship with Negan, from the very start I never really had a choice. I had to make the best of what had always been a bad situation, only I didn’t think things could have been any worse after leaving Alexandria. My memories of a time before Negan were far away, and as he groaned his release, I silently wished to be far away too.

 

“When are you sending him away?” I asked coldly.

 

“Tomorrow. He has the rest of the day and until noon tomorrow to make the pills. Then he’s leaving.”

 

“Can I –“ Negan cut me off abruptly.

 

“No, doll. You most certainly can fuckin’ not see him. Don’t ask again…” He sauntered over to the door as he fastened his zip and pulled on his white t-shirt, picking up Lucille from the floor, he laughed, “I’m going to see him now, make sure he knows the score.”

 

“Why is that so fucking funny, Negan?”

 

“Cause’ I’m gonna make sure as shit that he _knows_ it’s your sweet pussy he can smell on my breath.

 

With that, he slammed the door shut.


End file.
